1. |
Black & White Zenith
02:59
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Verse One
I've been
Suicidal a political activist with a active list of people i'll go after with active fists
Or put a pen in my hand
It's like i'm holding a pistol loaded with homing missiles explode you to bone and gristle
I got a sickness believe me it never leaves me
My issues are grounded deep rooted and founded in friction of non fiction while
The up and downs of life move faster than hot pistons when the fuel injection kicks in
Went from victor to victim and came to grips with this
fight everyday i push away like sisyphus
A fucking uphill battle Believe me
I'm a black shadow a raven a maven a plague in a city sick
overflowing the bloody shores of the river Styx
In midst of a personal crisis
so indecisive
Still can't grasp which version of christ is most
Appropriate to fight with or leave lifeless
Verse Two
Like i was looking for trouble
pills booze knife in the duffel
Poster of Jesus it don't seem that subtle-The scene is grandmama cena's with a black
and white zenith reruns of reruns police watching me run flight footed the night's
wooded
He's stunned
The death of reason the smokey breath of the season Freezing i was seizing up
my focus broken Left out in the open A token silhouette
Doing drunk pirouettes In some hospital gear
a pair of wet socks half cocked with my opticals smear
I could cop a career off that debauchery there
But the option care disappeared the second i persevered
rear my head to the world
I finally read Husserl, Heidegger the dagger that badger Damocles
This aint swimming with sharks
Your just manatees
I tried killing myself you couldn't damage me
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2. |
Honor Killing
02:15
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Verse one
So i sit right here for the honor killing
Flawed villain vaudevillian god willing
I will live again or die off the dividends
But the contrary lies are the difference
And the ordinary eye is the impetus tool of the action crueler reactions fuel the attraction
of fools when their acting
By appointment flies in the ointment
struggling to move bloody stumps where joints went
At the point when pain and pleasure is a brave endeavour you can aim however
Never came close to a brain that's clever
I was in the game when ya Dad's balls
Came
You was on a tittie when. Last. Call. Came.
I was getting shitty but the past. Al. Came.
Unravelled and Crashed on its frame
I was better putting masks on the pain
It was hidden but it lasts all the same
unscripted the cast is all the same
I'm gifted but hapless all the same
Verse two
Don't-try-tell me the meds are reason
I'm seasoned the reason i'm even breathing i'm even keeled but i've even killed too
much time and emotion to even feel
The hope in stretching up to heaven at least five foot eleven was the level i reached
The highest peak i would speak from to the meek um, Black Ash Days is the book i
teach from, past that phase where the gats and beef from, laugh at the ways i was apt
to be dumb, a castaway the past has to be from,
Just that, or ya apt to be done
In by the thing you were drowning in son
See those things you were grounded in hung
Up in the stockade bound and been slung
In a blockade where the bodies bloat
And rain so torrential the storm that broke
On terrain til a trench'll form a moat
And ya gastric gasses are born to float
Like ghosts of the hopeless razor on a soap dish
....shit
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3. |
Codebreaker
02:33
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First Verse
i dust off the seat of my pants after planting the seed of my rants see that my hands are
fully calloused
And my talents were balanced/ with you as a ballast (when)/ Now i sink to the depths
of despair/ caught up your nets i get snared
but compared to the hospital care/ it's (only) fair or fittin i'm left smitten/ by what's
sadistic... cryptic and the cryptids i share a crypt with and i'm equipped with the
diagnosis i'm afflicted and hit with (or) maybe i became addicted to the excuse that my
life is scripted by what psychiatrists scripted
That little notepad got my moods lifted
everything i hoped had simply sifted/ through my hands like the sands of the sereghetti
I was never ready for what i was hit with
So you don’t know the half of it
The hassle of my heart being blacker than the shadow of Baphomet
baffled by thoughts
These meds are trying to battle with
The catechism of cataclysm the prison of being the sole catalyst of bad decisions
That left my (whole) life (just) looking like a bad rendition
And my personal landscape is war torn
So my perpetual personality's forlorn
Second Verse
You want war i could show u the gore guts and raw footage
From what i understood it's what i'm good it(at)
A stones throw to where the bones go
All the bullet points i throw
into caches now i'm self conscious
Cuz my battle rap days past seem passé
i felt heavy losses/ were pretty much self inflicted I was so vindictive and vicious i lashed
out
grew listless and passed out in public too often to soften the fact that i was up shits
creek to uplift the-people-i-eat-alive grinding-my-teeth-and-i've
Spoken for the disenfranchised and the disadvantaged
my heart is mismanaged by man
the manner in which i was damaged
Was handed a bandage and granted i was basically branded i hastily panicked
Abandoned and banished every nightmare or emotion
every time i think i might care i need a new potion. New pill bottle to openMore
serotonin to soak in like an ocean of dopamine my copin' mechanisms broken
Eloping married to melodrama just ask karma i aint tryin to be a martyr
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4. |
||||
Verse 1
I got social anxiety like a muthafucker
While they instruct ya ta wait
Til the meds struck ya to break
The nightmare u dream when awake
The puncture they make
punctual shakes
you get from drugs when they race
To erase those bad feelings you can't take
And made a roadmap right outta ya face
That your thoughts can all use when they race
If ya u gotta pop the E brake
Maybe escape with with a knee scrape
Or fuck up brain up make ya feel like ya freebased or
smoke some some shit and freak out
Cuz it seem laced or
Like a magnet on hard drives that erase tha
Data you need and leave a negative space and leave ya own reflection looking like a
hesitant face
And ya girl and you are living just like celibate mates
And your shoveling the shit until the sediment tastes
So much better than the food that it's due to replace I hate to hasten the pacing while
the grace periods erasing
The timeframe i place on all these mind games
Verse 2
I went from being so aggressive
To being so passive it makes deep depression looks festive
That kinda shit'll leave an impression upon a young mind and
sometimes
i felt like both the joke, and the punchline
Like somekinda deaf dumb blinded creature by design featuring my maligned teacher
the black beast-ah
the bloody bautista
As i cease ta give two shits I take a look at these two wrists the lines i sliced with a
buck knife
In 96 talking bout fuck life fuck playing nice
Fuck praying nights for what little relief
To be relieved of the grief at what price
Would i be willing to pay it in blood money
Prescription drug money
Therapists and psychiatrists are just fuck buddies
I just leave em pieces
Like the piles of pills i spill and pop while i'm writing this thesis Til my hand and arm are
number than a plastic prosthesis
A checklist for suicide off to meet Jesus
at least it's pragmatic plan for a desperate man
A desperado with the mark of cain on his hand
I'd rather wake up with a horse head in my bed than a crackhead.
It's easy to act so zen when you're half dead.
But it's not really zen...
when you don't know where your depression begins and where your happiness ends.
Hungry for fulfillment, but your spiritually famished.
I watched the snake eat its tail 'til it eventually vanished.
Now my answers are too loud for the world and too shy for girls.
They come together late at night and they make me write them job referrals.
I'm reduced to a reference.
I prefer to refer back to the application and prove we were once best friends.
Now we’re barely acquaintances.
In a quaint connection we share amongst care-free relationships.
Lets convene in the crawl space with the rest of our fallen breed.
A family meeting at a halfway house, I’ll intervene where we lost the deed.
divvy up the speed, liquor, weed, and opiates of the bastards.
Overload the motherboard until she crashes.
Bare witness to the funeral. Business as usual.
In a business suit. This isn't suitable.
Now kids slip me albuterol to untighten my upper chest region.
I've been under the stress of succubus demons but I ain’t done breathing.
It’s hunting season for the anti-fun curmudgeons who got nothing to believe in.
Sometimes that’s just the drugs speaking.
Any last words? 'Cause I was just leaving.
Forever hold your peace when I’m deceased.
There’s been enough grieving
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5. |
Eat The Young
03:04
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Man i'm running outta shit to say
And creative ways say it
I'm tired of the game at least the way we play it
Considered crazy, a loser, too lazy to turn the venom i stored as momentum to
maneuver
If this moves ya
We in the same shoes, sneakers, loafers where no hope is
And at most its a zero sum game of addition
in the midst of a war of attrition looking for ammunition
malnourished by nature i flourished on hate ya find once it pays ya it don't phase ya
I'll amaze ya with wordplay wit and a sense of humor i use to deflect rumors as soon as
i sense the tumor
Cuz hearsay is malignant and artists these days stay indignant
I keep em terrified turning lighter shades than my pigment
Like they seen a poltergeist every time i touch an open mic
But i'm broken like concentration
like Ginsberg saw the greatest minds of his generation eaten by Madness wore their
skulls like a decoration
...shit, (i know) this sounds like desperation
Verse 2
My brain's three quarters rigor mortis
frozen in death throes darker than caves lit by torches and i'm tortured by the still
frames
... the imagery of these ill games that gains access to low hanging fruit
like a poisonous abscess in roots of a tooth decaying the truth relaying the proof
in the pictures i paint i'm no saint but i scribble these scriptures in quaint rooms
I sit where the pain looms and lingers in my body like the stingers of a brown recluse
through (my) fingers to the page so when the crowds let loose
let the predator prowl upon my enemies now
Most are dead to me now They pretend to be down and then depend on me for
tender mercy
It deserts me in the moment
I'm bloodthirsty
Beyond rational thought so when the natural part of my frontal lobe(s)(goes) dulling like
a savages - heart running overtime thumping like a rabbit that's caught
ravenous brain analogous with that which is art
I'm so callous to the point of seeing malice as smart
That when we to eat our own young i think we're doing our part
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6. |
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Verse One
I've had enough of being polite I've had enough of being in light Whether it's lime
colored I feel freer at night-free to recite this rhetoric heretic heathenous blight for all
you derelicts in delight Hieronymus Bosch like
Anonymous lost life'll linger in the foreground lacking foresight
So when of course night roll around
I had a 5th peeking outta my goose down
Nips in the pocket click together like loose rounds and klonopin passing out between
couch and ottoman
I was artisan
A hunger for the art of sin Anxiety had me feeling' i was never where i outta been
I've heard i light up a room
But i assume what loom in the luminescence Leftovers from my prepubescence
Cuz those lessons i reap since
Left whatever glows artificial like cheap synths
Verse Two
I've been much maligned
My malignant mood disorders designed
to sorta brutalize the natural order
And my mind is a mine field fire team hot LZ whatever tired meme litters ya internet
screen
I'm a liars dream a murderers mean spirited gene a sociopaths sick blood fetish treating
it like homeopathic love letters in new age magazines filled to the hollow tip shooting
in public headphones blastin what's blasphemous
i love it
And I covet the killer in me's spirit so i bear it like the summit where they off ya like
Golgotha
The odd author anonymous all monster
Wallace, Christopher, David Foster
peep the footnotes if i lost ya
Cuz approaching me is ill advised
That shit'll cost ya
I’m grasping at straws, Every pass is a hail mary,
No care free living I’m grinning through bared teeth,
This a breeze, transform into the gale force,
Emerald city hit the brick road on a pale horse,
Trail blazers, Make way, we ornery,
Leave ya piece of the pie, yeah baby it's more for me,
Hold a forty like my first love,
Learn suntin, younging, that malt liquor prolly the worst drug,
First up, and I struck out, What now?
Whole team shrugging, looking ugly in the dug out,
Fuck around, And we still make ya top five,
Crack a can of suds, like it’s spinach and I’m Pop eye,
I’m Spit balling, It’s written on the wall,
Theres riches in the vault, Hit em with a pinch of salt,
Seasoned vet, in the old flannel,
This that Judge Holden vs. the kid with no ammo
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7. |
Not A Love Song
04:00
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Verse One
It's real, it's been twenty plus years
I learn to love living forgive the plenty of tears
In between what I would hear Word of mouth about who you were with why where no
matter how much I cared
I couldn't grasp the fact you wasn't here
Every time i though about you it's like saying goodbye it's so weird, the way it played out
pictures in my mind of you would never fade out, slowly phased out ya life
Caught the last glimpse of you in mirror, i hit the headlights
And drove off, your voice so soft you said
'It was nice to know you' i said "i'm sorry"
You said 'apologies were something that you never owed me' i said "we'll talk soon" you
said don't wait around for you to call me
Coldly shook my hand i said i loved you for the last time you walked away calmly
It felt like a flatline the conversation ended promptly,
I'm sorry i was that blind
Verse Two
I sit alone amidst the light for regrets
the things we set in stone, i'd just like to forget, being locked up leaving messages you
would never get
Calling collect, charges you would never accept
I came around and found god never credible
He said the writing's on the wall it's just never legible
your friends told you I was crazy
man let him go
And like a movie you just sat and watch the credits roll
Stories change, we exit the stage, you was on the next chapter i was stuck on the same
page
A picture may be worth a thousand words
But it's tough when the line between the past and the present blurs
I lost focus on these dead man curves
I'm sorry i was lost but i guess i got what i deserved, i lost everything i had in my life
And i'm not saying that this song could ever make it alright
Verse Three
I guess I'm moving on
I guess I'm doing aiiiiight
They say forget about her
I try to heed their advice it's like swimming upstream bad dreams every night i bet every
now and then ya still know what i mean
S'Like part of my life is always off never gon be right sorta like the afterthought of you
becoming my wife and hindsight is just another way to see what you lost Of course it
never leads to insight (but it might)
All caught up in what should have been nice
Despite what that hole in my life had just put us in
But more than ever I learned to sever ties with whatever brought pain in my life or ever
could again
This ain't a love song it's me moving on
the only way that I can
the only way that I know
the only way i can stand
the only way i can show
you help me grow as a man
you should know
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8. |
||||
Verse One
I'm a wild man maybe it's a sign that my minds rants will finance the way I'm living it's
given i'm violent
You silent types Chillin huh,
Take it literal i'm killing you in plain view rearrange you
that's more than average villains do
i'll riddle you with rhymes like stab wounds
Litter you in back rooms more like black tombs
So consider your fame when I frame the crime scene
Van Gogh starry night bones play Monet bobbing spotlights but I'm Bobby Knight when i
borrow mics
I don't play
My lines make lifelines go from spike lines to straight bright lines every time I rhyme
that means I'm killing more than just your mic time
By design my sixteens are vivid like hi def split screens color schemes iller than dream
scenes you adolescent rappers better get it right
Your rep is equal to a hill of beans in dead of night bibles and vernacular disembowel
attacking ya medevac-in’ ya baggin you and that crew that ya braggin ta
And i aint mad atcha, but if my name in ya songs you be gone they'll be half mast
flaggin ya
Rain fire like its lighter fluid
The page ignites when im writing to it
More lives than an Irish Druid
There ain’t nothin to it but to do it
Score a triple double then the game starts
Diplayed the gift since Paleolithic cave art
Swell and Trademarc rap Hamish and Braveheart
Push the pedal to the grindstone and watch the blade spark
Gotta acumen for time traveling
Mind’s unraveling when this life is kinda baffling
Sometimes just wanna pack it in
Ain’t shit saccharine
Tryina find my mark like Odin with the javelin
Grab a pen and stab it in to stone tablets
Shrapnel’ll shatter bone fragments
These trap clones are so average
Those who cut a butter cookie
Ya nothin but a rookie n you playin with the top seed
They gettin washed at Mach speed its Chuck Yeager
Bringin the ruckus with that Shaolin style Loud flavor
Foul behavior got em fightin the fuzz
Writing this right in the moment before biting the dust
Rain fire like its lighter fluid
The page ignites when im writing to it
More lives than an Irish Druid
There ain’t nothin to it but to do it
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9. |
||||
My brain zero to infinity in no time flat
Chewed the fat, Jehoshaphat, cosigned that
Believe him
Son aint lie l i'm a funnAY guy
Told yahweh it's ma way or the highway
What i say go
Would i play? No.
Take a spa day kill ya crew
Until u feeling this too in the pit of your belly where that fat sweaty deli meats'll turn into
jelly til you shit it out too
Chew a couple benzos
Just so i can blend tho
Trust me i aint tryin to get fucked up
I'm too mellow plus i fear death
The breath of the reaper rest in my ether
That aint the most flattering feature
Art school major philosophy minor plowing through Hume at a diner looking for the finer
points of existentialism in the liner notes looming in the back scribbling public enemy
quotes
Lord willin, I'm chillin like a Garth Ennis villain
It’s endless killin, my pen is illin, need penicillin
The new bird flu, I’m feelin guilty in a sense
Pleading innocence, eating after dinner mints
While these cowards actin stupid dense
I’ll be out in Maui gettin rowdy with the Supermensch
Threw a wrench in the proceedings
Spoke French for the whole meeting
Ah oui then
Hold my soulmate close in the cold evening
Knowing moments like those are so fleeting
I’m Basho with the haiku
Sky’s blue when I’m roamin around Hyrule
Play the ocarina, stop and pop n lock in rock arenas
Do hip-hop collage Bahamadia
Rhyme or reason, no idea
You’re befuddled in the best way
Soliloquies you won’t get until the next day
Say hello to the stumbling drunk he’s on his stool again,
The no good, down and dirty rotten pale hooligan,
He’s losing his touch, Trust no one,
He’s not sober, For over 10 minutes,
The kids just not kosher, What a joker,
Living a hoax, Smoke and mirrors,
White as a ghost, Have a toast, Hold ya spirits,
Don’t go near him, He soaking in beer,
Hoping to cope with his fears,
Barely coherent,
Still fighting the good fight though,
In his own head, He feeling like a maestro;
Let the dice roll, leaving it up to luck,
Hoping that up above, they believe in the ugly fuck,
Watching them things tumble is giving em, Such a rush,
The gangs all here, But nobodies huddling up,
Lucky us, seems the glitters is gold,
He’s a loner roaming solo on the yellow brick road,
Lord help me, the youth losing health
All selfies and no knowledge of self
New offer
My mind in a flyin saucer
Left from bets on the television set
Life is what it costs ya
People gettin stabbed in my city
Over petty shit,
Not caring what you ready with
Low key
livin in the gritty
Wearing clothes that my friends give me
Life isnt pretty
Raw, just like your connect get
Before it ever even took its first step
Yeah the kid slick
Get around like a cow lick
Olive oil plated
Like Popeyes dick
Pull up quick, leave em with the case and point
High stakes, gettin caught with some beef and a joint
Amountin the troop
And we spoutin the truth
Jack knifin in the fountain of youth
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10. |
Go Or Stay
04:16
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Verse 1
I spent 30 years living a eulogy
fluently discourse the missed course-that-cause-my-truancy
Like you were doing me a favor when you ruined me
What nearly killed me had clearly healed me
In time peeled the yearly layer-of-grime-off-the-rind
And there goes the shine
I left behind a husk the color of dust at dusk
so thin you could see the heart within-Pumping like something outta John Galt junction,
Try to be objective but being an asshole's subjective regardless of perspective
Fuck it, even i'm confused
And my ego's still bruised from ya festive mood
of ya life and the attitude shit's alright
Like the past don't bite, and memory destroyed by blight or the fires that you burn every
night of ya life to keep from dying of fright
But fuck it, who am i to gripe?
Despite the fall in fahrenheit
i'm a callous acolyte
of might over mind over matter
So i chose the latter
I aint mean the one that comes after
I mean the one to the noose in the rafters
That loosen the laughter outta chests of the rest i wronged all along
Or take the long view
And i could comp u an impromptu meeting with all you to argue
the merits i considered inherent that fall thru the crack that you step on
That breaks ya mother's back from then on
led on a wild goose chase turkey shoot
That left me with the urge to puke
I return to the coup crippled and callous like Alice confused by the cheshire grins thru all
the malice
So pass this chalice or sippy cup of cyanide
And divvy up some uppers after supper for a giddy up
Verse 2
I beckon Chronos chewing on NoDoz full of more oh noes then yes yawls in the mess
hall
desk all Full of manuscripts I lift to a lighter
i live thru a life a the type a shit that made a poor poet a pretentious writer
I don't need an all nighter off the cuff
I'm confident enough competent that a bluff can buffer enough of this suffering
succotash you suckas pass off as ya cut
In close quarters like most hoarders my floor is used more as open storage and most
orders
I ignore it like the heightened hype i feel when i type the most porous argument for
these things that i write about life and insights like they might be right
Shit i more lost than if i was accosted at night and dropped at black site darker than a
blast site
So why trust me, it's just me and my reflection at home alone trying to atone
For the collection of bones in a shoebox
That move me like doo wop pursue me like you walked back and let the truth talk
About true loss true lies who lost who and why left staring at a ruined sky
i was broken and focusing on the negatives soaking in beer liquor and sedatives
day after day it got competitive
Night after night so repetitive i never lived so close to comatose
These societal ills have got us stockpiling pills miles of hills of crushed dust
A pill for every letter in the alphabet the beta and the alpha sit cross legged slit wristed
fog headed
And I'm wedded to success
Indebted to excessive duress
I'm an emotional mess at best
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