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Go Or Stay

from Blood Meridian by Trademarc

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lyrics

Verse 1
I spent 30 years living a eulogy
fluently discourse the missed course-that-cause-my-truancy
Like you were doing me a favor when you ruined me
What nearly killed me had clearly healed me
In time peeled the yearly layer-of-grime-off-the-rind
And there goes the shine
I left behind a husk the color of dust at dusk
so thin you could see the heart within-Pumping like something outta John Galt junction,
Try to be objective but being an asshole's subjective regardless of perspective
Fuck it, even i'm confused
And my ego's still bruised from ya festive mood
of ya life and the attitude shit's alright
Like the past don't bite, and memory destroyed by blight or the fires that you burn every
night of ya life to keep from dying of fright
But fuck it, who am i to gripe?
Despite the fall in fahrenheit

i'm a callous acolyte
of might over mind over matter
So i chose the latter
I aint mean the one that comes after
I mean the one to the noose in the rafters
That loosen the laughter outta chests of the rest i wronged all along
Or take the long view
And i could comp u an impromptu meeting with all you to argue
the merits i considered inherent that fall thru the crack that you step on
That breaks ya mother's back from then on
led on a wild goose chase turkey shoot
That left me with the urge to puke
I return to the coup crippled and callous like Alice confused by the cheshire grins thru all
the malice
So pass this chalice or sippy cup of cyanide
And divvy up some uppers after supper for a giddy up

Verse 2
I beckon Chronos chewing on NoDoz full of more oh noes then yes yawls in the mess
hall
desk all Full of manuscripts I lift to a lighter
i live thru a life a the type a shit that made a poor poet a pretentious writer
I don't need an all nighter off the cuff
I'm confident enough competent that a bluff can buffer enough of this suffering
succotash you suckas pass off as ya cut
In close quarters like most hoarders my floor is used more as open storage and most
orders
I ignore it like the heightened hype i feel when i type the most porous argument for
these things that i write about life and insights like they might be right
Shit i more lost than if i was accosted at night and dropped at black site darker than a
blast site
So why trust me, it's just me and my reflection at home alone trying to atone
For the collection of bones in a shoebox
That move me like doo wop pursue me like you walked back and let the truth talk
About true loss true lies who lost who and why left staring at a ruined sky
i was broken and focusing on the negatives soaking in beer liquor and sedatives
day after day it got competitive
Night after night so repetitive i never lived so close to comatose
These societal ills have got us stockpiling pills miles of hills of crushed dust
A pill for every letter in the alphabet the beta and the alpha sit cross legged slit wristed
fog headed
And I'm wedded to success
Indebted to excessive duress

I'm an emotional mess at best

credits

from Blood Meridian, released November 22, 2019

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Trademarc Boston, Massachusetts

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